July 24th

Had an appointment today with Chris Jones.. Changed to a smaller sized liner and they made some adjustments to the inside of my socket, for a better fit. It feels 10x better as I was having some issues with the one part of my leg. It's part of the Tibia where it was actually cut, a sharp spot that wasn't properly rounded. It was becoming very sensitive and causing me a great deal of pain lately. This seems to be fixed now, but I won't know for sure until I have tried it a few days and see if the pain fades. Things are going alot better, I'm able to sleep through the night and my energy levels are increasing daily. On Monday they are going to finish my outside part of my socket. Even though it is silly, I'm excited about this as I think it will look alot better and I won't be self conscious of the way it looks.

Ups and downs

So I'm off Oxycontin now and only taking Percocet when needed. Even though I want to get off the drugs, my body has another opinion. These last 2 weeks have been terrible at best. I've been in too much pain to sleep and if I do it's only for 3-4 hours at a time. On top of this I'm constantly exhausted. It takes all my energy just taking care of my dog and feeding myself. Of course these are on my bad days. I feel like I'm making no progress in my walking with my prosthetic, which is frustrating. I knew this was going to happen and it sucks, but the more I'm off the drugs, the better I feel mentally. And I want to be completely off the drugs. Today I took a total of 25mg of Oxycodone, much better than when I was taking 120mg a day. The pain will fade and when it does I'll be able to start moving forward with my recovery. I also started taking Amitriptyline to help me sleep. It should also help with phantom pain, but I can't say I can tell yet. Maybe it will take some time before it starts working.

As far as the prosthetic and my leg goes. I feel like my leg has stabilized a bit as far as the reduction in size. The first week I had my prosthetic I lost almost 1.5cm in diameter on my leg from my knee down. The second week I'm going to guess I lost another 1cm and that's about where I am now. I don't feel like I'm getting a very good fit in my prosthetic, which is probably causing some of the pain I'm feeling. I keep changing and messing with the socks to help with the fit, but I'm not having alot of luck. Again, this is par for the course and to be expected. Until my leg really stabilizes and I get my second socket, I'm going to have ups and downs like this.

Anyways, I apologize as my thoughts are scattered and it is reflected in this post.

Video

Not much, but a start.. The following day Cory and I did about a 5 mile ride at Washington Park, which was a blast. Much better than crutching around.

I'm going to get in trouble for this..

Cory built up a Surly Pacer for me to ride and I'm psyched. Feels good to be back on a bike again. Thanks for everything Cory!! and Adriane (Monster and Sache as well)

Robo Leg

So at 7 weeks to the day from my surgery I finally got my prosthetic leg. I was once again blown away at just how good Mr. Chris Jones is at making these things. At first, I was unable to use any socks as it was that tight, zero ply as they call it. Walking around the office with one crutch with little pain. After about a minute I felt things starting to loosen up, so I put a one ply sock on. Tighter again and I was again able to walk around with a crutch pretty well. My knee is very weak, so much that at the end part of my stride it was giving out on me. I guess it's been almost 3 months since I have put any real weight on it though. Any pain that I do feel is from pressure being applied to the ERTL bonebridge and the fact that it can and will take up to 9-12 months to fully heal. If I don't have the proper amount of socks on, my leg will bottom out in the socket. This puts weight straight onto the ERTL, which doesn't cause a sharp pain where the contact is, but the bone ache pain that I can feel over the entire leg below my knee. After Mr. Jones, I went to Physical Therapy. By the time I was done with this I was hurting pretty good and ready for a break. PT was pretty straight forward. Need to make sure my strides are even, I don't limp and also make sure my feet are properly spaced. If I can do this from the start I will develop a good stride and not have to correct things again later..

The following day, Wednesday, I had an appointment with Dr. Hahn and Dr. Chitchyan of ASA. Hahn did another Xray and just wanted to see how things are going. Xray looks good, though I'm healing slower than I expected. Not much change in the amount of calcification from last month to this. Guess it just takes time. At Dr. Chitchyan's we basically talked about weening me off the narcotics, or atleast Oxycodone with all it's lovely side affects. New prescriptions with lower doses for a week, then I see him again, see how it went, and move forward. Hopefully in a few weeks I will be completely off them and I'm hoping in a couple of days feeling atleast a bit better from having less in my system.

Walking today I had even less pain and was able to get around even more. I have been able to walk around the apartment a bit with no crutches, 10 or so steps at a time. Went to the hospital, Wal-Greens and even taking Oscar out for his walk, using only one crutch. If I keep improving at this rate, I don't think I'll have the crutch for more than a week or so. Atleast I hope so.

Here are some pics.. Note, the finish on the new prosthetic is not done. Over the next few weeks some adjustments will need to be done and after that they will finish the outside of it.

Check Socket

Today I went to have try out the check socket. This one is clear plastic so they can make adjustments and see where it is rubbing against my leg too much or not enough. The final one should be black carbon fibre. I took my first steps today with this and though it was quite painful I was able to take a few steps putting a majority of my weight on my leg and was using my crutches for balance. I'm very excited to get my finished leg on Tuesday. It's going to be a long process of learning to walk and toughening up my leg on a daily basis, but just the fact that I won't have to use these damn crutches anymore is awesome.

The first picture shows my leg with the silicon sock with pin. This pin goes inside the socket and clicks in to hold the leg on. There is a release button on the side so I can take the leg off.

6 Weeks

It's been 6 weeks since the surgery. Crazy how fast it's gone by and I feel like I'm doing great. Today I had a cast taken of my leg for my first socket. This is the upper part of the prosthetic that attaches to my leg via the pin. I go back in on Friday to have a check fit. Which they will check the fit and make sure feels good and is comfortable. I will then return on Tuesday, to pick up my leg. I'm very excited about this and I can't wait. Just to be able to start walking again and putting my energy into that rather than just waiting around while I heal will be good for me. I'm still having issues with my pain medications. The side affects of the drugs have been the worst part of this entire ordeal. Feeling sick to my stomach all day long sucks, there is no positive way to spin it. Took a few pics of my leg as the casting was being done and one, just to show how it's healed. The car is my doctors.. maybe I should get into making prosthetics eh?

Day 24

It's been 3 weeks and 3 days since my operation and today I am no longer in a hard cast. It was removed today and I was fitted with a clamshell. This is technically still a hard cast, to protect my leg when I'm up and about, but when I'm laying down I can remove it. Instead of bandages and ace wraps, I now have 2 socks. The first just being a simple sock for my leg and the second being a compression sock. I can now touch my leg, bend my kneeg, move the muscles below my knee (tho this feels really funky) and start to desensitize things. This is a huge relief and I'm so glad that I've moved onto this phase of my recovery. A week or so of getting the swelling down as much as possible and toughening my leg/stump and I will be returning for my first molding for a prosthetic.

No more stitches

Cast change today, remembered a camera this time and got my stitches out. Having the stitches removed tickled a bit, actually it hurt. They also did a mold of my leg so they can fit with me a clamshell cast on Friday. This will be cool because I will finally be able to take off my cast for periods of time. This will be great for being able to move my leg, bend my knee and it will also give me the chance to wash my leg properly. They also did another X-ray and things are still looking good as far as the bone bridge. Next appointment with Dr. Hahn is a month off, so I will mainly be seeing Chris Jones from now on. I have an appointment for PT tomorrow, though I really don't know why. I feel like physically I'm in good shape and even though my left leg has atrophied a bit, I don't see what they are going to really be able to do for me that I can't do myself. That and the cost is $20 per visit, at 3 per week.. umm

Toys

Finally took a few pictures of my new car.. I like it more and more each day I drive it. It has no turbo, it doesn't corner like it's on rails, but it's exactly what I need right now and I haven't had to put gas in it yet. My Laptop showed up the other day. It's awesome. I forgot the neat feature of laptops where you can actually take it away from your desk and run it off battery power. My old laptop's battery has been dead for so long that I think I had forgotten that. Not sure what I'm going to do with the old laptop once I get my data off it. I've had it since Feb 2003, and it still is running pretty strong. The hinge is completely jacked on it and it's missing a 4 key, but other than that is runs everything I try to do on it well. I might price out how much the parts would be to fix it, or find another Inspiron 8500 that I can salvage the parts from, then give it to someone. Got a replacement Blackberry Storm yesterday. It's nice to have it back and be able to get to my email anywhere, internet anywhere, but this replacement one, already needs to be replaced. Part of the screen doesn't click.. Alos, got a package today from King, he sent me his Playstation 3. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to use this as I have no TV, but I should be able to get it hooked up to my computer monitor and I'll figure out some way to get sound to my computer speakers aswell. Pretty cool that I have all these toys. They will keep me busy while I'm sitting around healing. I got atleast another 4 weeks of healing, before I can be fitted for a prosthetic, 6 weeks is more likely tho.

Forgot Camera

Had another cast change today and I forgot to bring my camera. I want to try to keep a picture log of the healing process of my leg, but my memory failed me. My leg looks really good, it is healing well and shows no signs of infection. Looks alot better than it did last week, which was showing some swelling and bruising. New cast is on and this one is tight. Not sure how that is going to be with pain, but maybe it will be better if my leg isn't moving around in the cast. My pain levels the last few days has been pretty bad. Could be the weather was kinda crappy, rain and clouds. Going to try switching the time's when I take my Oxycontin and up my dosage of Oxycodone for the breakthru pain. I'm hoping this will help because the pain is starting to get to me. Still having alot of pain from the muscles in my leg locking up. The medication I have been given for this so far hasn't worked at all. The only thing that is helping is stretching..

That's all I have for now, hopefully I'll have some updates with pictures soon.

Xray

Today I had some Xrays done of my leg. Pretty interesting the way the ERTL is done. No pins to hold things in place, just the muscle wrapped around holds it until it heals up.

Home and Cast change

Feels good to be home tonight.. Something calming about sitting at my regular computer in the dark, with headphones on listening to music. Oscar conked out on the couch next to me. Even though I'm tired I don't want to sleep yet. Feels like I have been sleeping too much lately at the hotel. Tonight is just a test run to see how I do basically by myself, through the night. Today I had a cast change which I was completely looking forward to. I have been having some crazy pains in my knee/leg/hip lately in relation to being locking in a cast. At times the pain drowns out the pain from the amputation, and they feed off each other. This time pulling the old bandages and padding hurt like a MF. I was holding my breathe and wishing I had taken something before I went in. Last time I was so doped up I didn't feel a thing. This time, I felt hot, warm, sharp pain coming from the stitches and the end of my stump. Pain management has been one of the biggest challenges so far. Unlike most pain I used to get with my old foot, this pain can get away from me and it becomes something I can't control. It's important I stay ahead of the pain. Another thing I noticed when they were cleaning the end of my leg/stump was my mind was placing the nerves in the correct location in relation to my body. When they cleaned part of the skin that was part of the back of my calf and has been wrapped around underneath the stump, I could tell they were touched the middle of the end of the stump. It didn't just feel like they were touching the skin on the back on my calf. With my previous amputation I remember having feelings where I would touch skin and it would feel like I was touching skin 4 inches further out, between my big toe and the one next to it. Phantom pain doesn't seem like it will be as much of a problem this time at all. I still have phantom sensation, the feeling of wanting to bend my ankle down or and itch on my heel by my Achilles tendon. But so far that's about it.

Here are some pictures from the cast change. Things look alot worse than they really are. Mostly because I have bruising now where at last cast change it was before the bruising set in. The stitches are starting to heal and tomorrow when I get an X-ray we'll get to see how the bone bridge is doing. I'm excited to see that.

"Dude your Dell got delayed"

So I ordered a freaking Dell so I would have a laptop to play with during all this time I'm going to have after this surgery. Originally I wanted a Studio 15. I had spec'd it out and was about ready to order. Next morning I went over the machine that I had saved in my favorites and the est. ship date was moved back a full 2 weeks!!! WTF? How do they add 14 days to the build time overnight. So I called and find out what the deal was. Never got an answer but the salesman pointed out another laptop to me that had pretty much everything I was looking for in a laptop, faster processer, faster video card, more memory all by default, not stuff that had to be customized so the est. ship date was much sooner than the Studio 15. I did a bit of research and called him back later that day to place the order (This was on the 8th of May) Est. Ship date, the 21st. I can handle that..
So today Dell was nice enough to email to let me know my order has been delayed. No explaination, no apology, just that if I wanted to cancel I could do so. The new ship date is the 1st of June. Bastards. They got me by the balls literally, cause if I re-order the clock starts over and they will probably do the same shit with the new machine. So basically I have to wait an additional 11 or so days just because. I'd call and complain, but do you really think they care? Problem is, bang for the buck, Dell still makes some of the best laptops out their for what I'm looking for. I could go by an Asus at Best Buy tomorrow, but do I really want a 9lb beast with the words extreme gamer backlit on the lid?

Damn you Dell..

Narcotics

Percocet and OxyContin are terrible drugs.. Terrible. I am grateful for the pain relief, but I'm so sick of the dizziness, nausea, the constipation, no appetite and in general just being completely out of it. Today I tried taking some Magnesium Citrate to get my system going. Dear lord this stuff tastes terrible. I would describe it as carbonated lemon juice with a ton of salt in it. It made me burp and feel crappy for a good 40 minutes ending in me puking it all up. Fun. Other than this today was a ok day, we went to Cheesemen park for 15 minutes or so, just to get outside and out of this room. It felt really good to be outside and in the sun. I'll have to do this more, maybe once it cools down as it suppose to be in the 90's the next 2 days. I'm looking forward to an appetite and a huge bloody steak.

Hospital

I'm out of the hospital now, I was too drugged up and in too much pain to post anything while in the hospital so I'm doing it now. It was pretty strange showing up for the surgery, checking in and just the waiting. It seemed surreal. I didn't really get nervous until I was carted into the operating room and saw the big lights and all the surgical tools being layed out. The anethesia knocked me out fast as I don't remember the doctor arriving or even being hooked up to all the equipment. I'm sure I was awake, but have no memory of it. The surgery seemed to go by in the blink of the eye and when I awoke, I really couldn't feel any pain. I was nauseas from the anethesia, but the epidermal kept me pretty pain free. Over the next few days I had some rough times, like when the epidermal basically stopped working and I had to be switched to an ivy drip of deladin, which is an evil drug. It kept my pain manageable, but it suckes. Or when they switched me from the ivy to pain pills and my body burned them off too fast. The pulled the cast off Friday to look at how everything went. Looked real good to me, very clean, some sweeling, but not bad. They cleaned it and recast me and released me. Now I'm staying in a hotel a few blocks from the hospital. I could go home, but this is better, easier for me to shower and get around. More convient for when I do need to go back to the doctor. But I'm looking forward to getting home, where I can hang out with Oscar and relax more. Can't wait until I can get off some of these drugs, they make me feel crazy. I can't think straight, have no appetite, feel dizzy all the time. I'm glad they help with the pain, but the side affects are no fun.

**Update** added a picture from the cast change. Crazy, but it looks good to me.

337 RIP

So I bought a new car today.. I should be super happy/excited, but I'm not. I'm happy about the car, I feel like it was the right thing for me now, but the surgery on the horizon and having to get rid of the best car I've ever had kinda took the wind out it. It was time tho, I really needed to get a car that was automatic and as a bonus, it gets better gas mileage, warranty, 4 doors, and it's damn sexy. No regrets, only looking to the future. A future with Monster, where I don't have a massive caffeine withdrawal headache.

Changed again

The surgery time has been changed again. It's now back to the 12th, but at 10:30, with a 8:30 check in time. This is quite frustrating to me and I let them know this. I might need to write something on my right leg, like "Do not cut me off"

Date Change

Found out today that my surgery date has been changed from the 12th to the 13th. Really has no affect on me, except check in is at 5am, yikes. This might work out better for me because it will give me less time to worry before the day of the surgery, as I'll be out of if sleepy at 5am. I was cleared for surgery yesterday by a physician so for the most part I am completely ready for this to happen. I just have a few more errands to run today and to decide what I'm going to do with my car.

Information

The procedure I'm having done is called a Ertl Osteomyoplastic Lower Extremity Amputation Reconstruction Technique. I'm having it done at St. Luke's Hospital here in Denver by Dr. David Hahn of the Colorado Limb Consultants.
http://www.limbconsultants.com/

A page about the ERTL procedure.
http://www.ertlreconstruction.com/

Another site which shows more info specific to the surgery (has some pictures of procedure so beware)
http://www.bonebridge.com/bonebridge.html

Article in Runners World of a ERTL patient going thru the surgery, he recently ran the New York City Marathon.
http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297--12959-1-1X2X3X4X5X6X7X8X9X10X11X12X13X14-15,00.html

Christopher Jones will be my CPO.
http://www.reboundprx.com/

I am working with this group for rehab and everything else.
http://www.amprehab.com/

4 days in the hospital, 5 weeks if everything heals well until I will have a cast made for my prosthetic and hopefully I will be up and walking by or before week 6. No idea how long it will take before I will be able to walk as well as I am now.

Beginning

Jan 20th, 1990

Warm days meant mischief.

Riding my bike around town with friends we stumbled across a wall of ice. It must have begun as a icicle, but it had grown all the way to the ground, which in my mind seems like 12+ feet. Once it touched the earth, it began to grow thicker, wider. It was atleast 18 inches thick at it's narrowest part. You could walk between it and the wall. So being typical kids, we figured the best thing to do was destroy it. We found some rocks and began breaking off icicles on the edge of it. It didn't seem like we could have any affect on something so massive, even with rocks the size of grapefruit. We were taking turns, each excited that our throw might be the one to bring down a chunk of ice of considerable size. It was my turn and I threw a large rock. It bounced off only leaving a white star where it had hit, and tumbled back to my feet. I picked it up and took my friends turn. This time I got a run at it, took a few steps to help my throw. Upon the rock hitting, I heard a crack and saw the wall of ice move. Defying logic, it didn't fall straight down, it teetered on it's base and fell towards me as tree would fall. I turned to run and slipped to my knees. Pulling myself up I took 3 strides, left, right, left and I dove. I remember a flash of white across my vision and the feeling of sliding across the dirt and snow, being pushed forward by the ice. I pulled myself up, but I knew something was wrong. I felt fire coming from my left foot. As I stood up on one leg, I stated to my friends half jokingly "my foot was history". My shoe was about to come off, so I slipped it off at the heel. I saw bone, blueish white bone. My vision narrowed and I had to sit. I couldn't look at it, I couldn't look down. My friends were in shock, standing with their mouths open, looking at me. Neither of them reacted as the pain started to increase. I guess I had been hurt enough times in my life to know that I needed help. I told my friends to go get help, but they didn't respond. I had to yell at them a few times to get them so snap out of their shock, to find someplace to call 911. I remember a lady came out and sat with me until the ambulance arrived. Holding me and telling me it would be ok. I don't remember her face or her name, just that she was there. In the ER I was upset because they had to cut my pants off, and I liked em. I remember the x-rays, but that is about it. The doctor set my bones and took a vein out of my right arm to try to repair arterial damage to my foot. The next week we waited, seeing if circulation was working, seeing if things would heal. But it wasn't, so I was flown to Salt Lake City. An exploratory surgery there revealed the bone was dying and the doctors were concerned about gangrene. I remember a few choices, save as much as possible or amputate higher. Cut the nerves or to leave them. For whatever the reasons I/we choose to save as much as possible and to leave the nerves intact so I would have some feeling. The next day I was brought into surgery and the partial foot amputation was done. Part of my lat muscle from my right side was removed to protect the exposed bones and skin grafts were taken from my right thigh. I remember waking up and seeing I no longer had a foot.

My memory of all this is fuzzy, like part of a dream that I can't fully bring to you conscious mind. I'm not sure how much of all of it I don't remember as a result from the pain medication or how much of it my mind decided it was best to forget. All I know was my life was changed, I was changed.

Now I am choosing to have another amputation. This path will not be easy, but I know that in the end I will be much better off. 19 years of pain from my foot and now my back have pushed me to this point. I want to eventually get to where I don't have pain on a daily basis and where the activities in my life I want to pursue, will not be so far out of my reach.